Ed, Rolf N' Rage
by Dayn Martin
Summary: Another plan backfires, leaving Rolf, Kevin, and Ed stuck together.  All they have to do is bide their time until someone comes along, but Kevin wonders if he can make it that long without having to pound someone into the dust.


_I like strange combinations of characters, and I like humor. I may not be good at writing it, but I still wanted to give it a try. How much more unusual can you get than putting Kevin, Rolf, and Ed together? I thought._

* * *

"Rolf, man, tell me you can get us out of here!" Kevin, the only one sitting upright, glanced at the sky worriedly. There was no way he could spend a whole night outside.

Rolf's eyes widened and then narrowed, mouth drawn into a thin scowl. "Does it not look like I am trying?" he snapped, grunting, struggling to free himself from the tangled mess of rope and limbs that was Kevin, one of the Ed boys, and himself.

All Rolf's efforts to free them elicited the attention of Ed, who copied as best he could. The knots in the ropes only became tighter. Something touched Kevin's side. He threw his head back and hollered, "Eddy! When I get my hands on you, you're gonna wish you were never born!"

"Eddy?" Ed paused, frantically looking around. "Eddy's back!"

"The short one is not here," Rolf explained, freeing an arm with a loud pop. "Aha! See, Kevin? You must be patient, yes?"

Kevin glared, speaking pointedly. "Hurry. Up."

"Kevin?" Ed picked his head up off the ground and looked up at him. "Are you ok?"

"What's it to ya?" he all but snarled.

"He is scared, Ed boy."

"I'm not scared, Rolf."

"Do not be scared, Kevin, for it is only a rope."

Rage exploded from the pit of his stomach, mixing with the anxiety. His body trembled as a result. "Shut up, shut up, shut. Up!" Squeezing his eyes closed and focusing all his energy, he managed to get a foot out and into the air. A startled smile broke out onto his face. He laughed, at first quietly, but then louder and louder.

Five whole minutes passed, and no one else had made any progress. Unbelievable. Rolf could ride on the back of a greasy, wild pig; hit a moving target, among other things- but this? Rolf hung his head. "It is the one true shame of the son of a Sheppard. Our inability to untangle ropes."

Kevin wanted to be mad, but he couldn't. He was too tired. Instead, he tried to relax. Maybe if he did, it would be easier to get loose.

"What if we are here forever, guys?" Ed asked pitifully. "WHAT WILL WE DO?"

"I do not know," Rolf answered with a deep sigh. "Starve, I suppose."

"No! Eddy! I do not want to starve!"

"Those dorks wouldn't leave one of their own here for long," Kevin reasoned aloud. "Well, maybe Eddy would, but everyone knows Double Dweeb doesn't have it in him. So all we have to do is wait."

"But waiting is hard," Ed complained.

Rolf, who was busy trying to move the big ball of limbs and rope by maneuvering like a caterpillar, dropped his chin into the dirt with a soft 'thud.' "Rolf is out of ideas, and changes his vote. We wait."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Nope. Relaxing didn't help, either. They were stuck.

"We could play a game?" Ed suggested.

"No, no games!" Rolf exclaimed, managing to kick him from within the mass.

"Ow!"

"Take that."

"That is not very nice, mister."

"Nice? _Nice?_" he went on to yell about how putting together a poorly thought out plan in order to empty everyone's pockets wasn't very nice, either, nor was the fact that after the plan backfired and trapped three people, possibly maiming the others, his so called friends sped off without so much as a backwards glance. "How can you call them friends when they leave you for the worms, eh?"

Ed stared blankly for a moment, and then slowly replied, "I see what you mean, Rolf. Grilled cheese and pickles definitely don't go together."

"Ahh! You are impossible! I wish to strike you, as mama strikes the clean, fresh coat of a mountain goat with her shoe!" Rolf roared, jerking around wildly. "Sit up and lean your head closer, so that I may hit you with my own! Do as I say!"

Kevin grit his teeth, fuming in silent rage as Ed and Rolf rolled around. All he had to do was wait. Eventually, Double Dork's conscience would catch up with him, and he'd drag himself back to the construction site and let them loose. Then he'd clobber him until he revealed where Eddy was hiding. And then… revenge. Sweet, merciless, violent revenge.

"Uh, guys?" Ed said after a while. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Hold it!" Kevin and Rolf boomed in unison.

All. He had. To do. Was _wait._

He just hoped they hadn't killed one another by the time Double Dork came.


End file.
